Thanks for sharing your story. Not to invalidate your lived experience in any way, I interpret what you shared differently.

Keeping finances separate, joint, or hybrid can work well if the relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and support. Lacking those non-negotiables, no financial setup will make the relationship worth living in.

In your case, I suspect that keeping your finances separate allowed you to stay in the relationship despite its intrinsic issues.

Had you rejoined your finances, you'd have likely found yourself forced to (1) convince your husband to change, stop his attempts to control you, and give you the respect your deserve; or (2) divorce if he was unwilling or unable to change.